Serenity ... What's That?

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Out with the old ...

In with the 2006-damn-well-better-be-better-than-2005. Or something like that. Funny, but '05 started off pretty freaking sucky, then got incredible. Wonderful. Truly joyous and fulfilling. Then it ended up sucky. Sigh.
And apparently I owe everyone on the planet who happened to run into me during the last two months more apologies than I've got the lung capacity for. And we ALL know I've got a good set of lungs. Don't worry if you didn't come into my firing zone, I still have my get the hell out of my way days, they're just less frequent. Thank goodness.
Anyway, I do apologize to those of you I lashed out at. You know who you are. I've tried to make amends, don't know if I always succeeded, but I tried. If not, let me know. It's hard to apologize when I don't realize I've hurt your feelings or ticked you off and stuff.
I know that my non-explanations don't make it any better. Can't tell you the number of times I uttered the phrase "I'll be fine." Eventually it'll happen. Did before, will again (relax, Mom, you know where I'm at now and you have to admit it's a damn sight better than the middle of November, right? I'm entitled to backslides every now and then.)
How many people know me as an optimist? I hope I still am. I want to be again. I guess I'm like that bopping clown. Knock me down and I'll get back up. Maybe not right away, but eventually. And it's all because of my family, my friends and a core strength that at times I don't believe I have, but apparently I do.
I'm not one for sitting in a dark room, eating bon bons and cursing the fates that railed against me. Okay, I admit that happened, but it was a nice bottle of wine instead of the bon bons.
So, stick with me, guys. Don't get alarmed if I'm snippy or down, it's not going to last. But give me the space I need, too. Sometimes that's all it takes.

So, let's look ahead to the momentous things going on. Can you believe that my bear is going to be 12 tomorrow?! Jiminy cricket, me either. He's so smart and mature, yet still such a kid. He's just great. (Duh... ) Yeserday he told me he was "discerning centuries" "Huh?" He sighed. "Mom, you know what a century is, don't you?" Before I get all affronted and huff out of course I do, I'm just trying to figure out what the heck you could be discerning about 'em, he popped up with "I'm trying to figure out why we're in the 21st century when it's only 2005." I squibbled out some babble about 0-99 being the first century, etc. He nodded and said, "Yeah, I know, but I'm only on the 17th century." I left him to his discerning.
Above all things, no matter my moods, no matter the ginormous mounds of manure tossed my way, he is always my shining star. He's always the one thing that makes me know that a) there is a God and b) I must have been born damn lucky and done something worthwhile in my life to have earned him.
Here, have a bucket to puke in while the oozefest continues on!
A mother is entitled when her baby takes the LAST year before teenagerdom. Holy moly, he's already making plans to drive my car! Ack and double ack!
That's okay, I'll let him. Eventually.
Maybe not.
Okay, on to more positive things for 2006:
It won't be 2005.
We're all healthy.
I have my family and friends close to me.
I have a good job (most days)
I'm financially stable (most days)
I'm on the path back to myself
That's a pretty good list, I think.
Happy new year!

P.S. No, I have no idea what prompted this semi-rant. I'm perfectly fine. Very excited about the upcoming birthday party, still giddy from being totally spoiled (as usual) at Christmas, and generally feeling very good. Maybe I just needed to let it all out one final (?) time.
Maybe. My word of the week.


  • At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I know you'll make it, baby, you always rebound, no matter what. You'll have better days, then again, you'll have bad ones again, and I hope you'll always have the ability to find a silver lining in whatever situation, bad or good is thrown your way. By the way, what's wrong with bon bons? Is it because they're French? LOL...Speaking of French, did you know that I was looking up my relatives in France? Seems like some people think it's the right thing to do...if you know what I mean...ROTFLMAO


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